Shame
by bookworm0133
Summary: Lexie is having a good day at work...until an unexpected patient arrives and her heart and her mind become at odds...Comforted by the beautiful Dr. Jackson Avery.


Lexie was having a good day. She had finally ended things with Alex, which in turn had given her a chance to apoligise and make up with Mark. She was sad that they no longer had what they did, but overjoyed that they could finally be friends again.

On her way to lunch, she met Dr. Jackon Avery, who was heading the same way.

"Hey," he said, picking up his pace to catch up with her.

"Hi!" She smiled at him.

"So…what's the rush?"

"I'm _really_ hungry."

"Not to mention practically jumping down the hall."

"_Starving!_"

As they grabbed their lunch, he said to her, "You were amazing in surgery this morning."

She smiled at him, sitting down to eat. Only after scoffing a few mouthfuls of her salad did she reply. "I really didn't do anything. It was mostly you."

He almost choked on a chip. "Are you kidding? You saved the guy's life. Not that he deserved it."

"Of course he deserved it. Everyone deserves life."

He looked at her, thinking about her response. "That's very….you're a nice person. Some would argue that not everyone deserves life though."

"People make mistakes. God, the mistakes I've made in the last couple of months! Anyway, how can you call yourself a doctor if you don't believe everyone should live?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I never said that."

"You did," she said mischievously.

"Whatever."

"Fine."

"I guess we should go check on this alcoholic you saved."

Lexie looked pointedly at her chocolate muffin waiting to be eaten. Jackson looked pointedly at the door.

"I'll take it with me." She snatched the muffin.

Their alcoholic was awake, but he was not happy.

"Mr. Holtz," said Jackson, "in surgery, you had some severe bleeds near your liver. Thankfully, Dr. Grey was able to stop these bleeds, but you need to stay here for a while, and you can no longer consume any alcoholic beverages."

"Ever?" He started turning red.

"Mr. Holtz, a patient liason nurse will be coming to talk to you soon about the pathways available to alcoholics. In the meantime, your wife is waiting outside."

Lexie and Jackson left. "Mrs Holtz, you can go in now," said Lexie.

The woman sighed. She looked tired. "Thank you."

Watching from outside, the two doctors saw Mrs Holtz walk up to her husband. He glared at her.

"Peter, I…I think you need help," she said tentatively.

"Help! I do not have a problem, Susan! You never do any work around the house, I come home to find you asleep, not waiting for me, with no dinner! I deserve a drink, okay!"

Lexie gasped when she heard the wife's first name. Jackson looked at her, then turned his attention back to the room.

"Peter, I'm gonna forgive you for that, because I know its not what you really think. But, our children need you. They love you. Every night, they ask me, 'where's Daddy, Mummy?' and I have to _lie_ to them. I don't want to lie to my children about their own father, Peter."

"Then don't lie. Tell them the truth, for all I care! I don't love them. They're _your_ children, not mine."

The woman's face turned cold. "Peter, I…they are your children too." She looked to be fighting off tears. " I…I have forgiven you for so much, but I can't forgive that….We…We're getting a divorce." With that she walked out of the room, hardly glancing at the two doctors through her tears.

Lexie looked back at the wife, then at the alcoholic. Walking into the room, she said to him, "Sir, please think about your children." She noticed that Jackson had entered the room as well.

"I don't care about my children. What would you know of this sort of thing anyway? You're a doctor, for christ's sake. Rich, private school type of person."

Lexie looked at him. "Sir, I understand very well how much alcoholism can rip a family apart. And yes, you do love your children. Do you remember when they were born? How happy you were?"

He was silent for a moment. "I…it was amazing. They were so tiny. So alike, but, so different." He smiled.

"So they're twins?" He nodded.

"You need help, Mr. Holtz. Do you remember your wedding day?"

"I just remember thinking, I'm so lucky to have this woman." His face had softened considerably.

"Then, do this for your wife and children, Mr. Holtz. Everytime you think of something bad, like…having a drink, or…being rude to your wife, think of those two days. Of what you were thinking then. Trust me, Mr. Holtz, there is a cure for what you have. I've seen it first hand."

He thought for a minute, and Lexie could see tears glistening in his eyes.

"Would…would you like me to go get your wife for you?" asked Jackson.

"Y..yes please," he replied, and Jackson left the room.

"Do you know an al….someone like me?" He asked Lexie.

She thought for a moment. "I did," she replied, "But not anymore. He turned his life around, and I am _so_ proud of him."

"Then I'm happy for you. And for him."

"Thank you. You can do this."

"Well, I'm gonna try really hard." He laughed, looking up as Jackson walked through the door, followed by Mr. Holtz's wife.

Lexie smiled. "Thank you."

Jackson spoke. "We'll be back later to check how you're doing, Mr. Holtz." With that they left the room.

"Did you see that?" Lexie asked Jackson. "We just, changed his life. We just… made the world happier."

"You did." He was looking at her funny again.

"What?"

"You're just…I don't know. Amazing."

"Haha. You're funny."

"It's the truth." His pager beeped. Looking at it, he said, "I've got to get down to the ER. See you later."

"Yeah, see you." He watched as she bounced along down the corridor, and smiled to himself.

Down in the ER, Jackson rushed up to doctor Hunt, who was forlornly declaring time of death on a DOA case.

"What's happening?" Jackson asked.

"Go and take over from Meredith. She's taking care of a patient just outside."His tone alluded to something ominous.

"O..Okay." Jackson left the room, looking for Meredith. He found her, trying to calm down a very stressed patient.

"M'am, I need you to calm down, okay?" She listened to the woman's heart.

"He…he didn't even try to stop. I can still see his eyes….Oh God!" The woman burst into tears. "Is my husband going to be alright? And Sarah? There was so much blood! Oh God!"

"M'am, please calm down. Our surgeons are doing the best they can to save your husband and daughter, and the other man involved in the crash. I'll let you know as soon as I know anything, but for now I need you to _calm down_."

Jackson cleared his throat. "Dr. Grey."

She turned to him. "I'm a little busy here."

"Dr. Hunt wants you. He's with the DOA. I'll take over here." He didn't tell her how Hunt's face had looked when he declared time of death.

"O..kay then. This woman was brought in by an ambulance after being in a car crash, she's stable but I was just doing an examination."

"Okay. Thank you." He approached the woman, and watched as Meredith walked into the room with the dead man. He wondered what significance this person had to her.

Glancing up occasionally from his examination, he could see Dr. Hunt calmly talking to her, her back to the patient. She turned around to look at the man, and her face drained of any emotion. She turned sharply back to Dr. Hunt, probably asking him what happened. What he told her did not change her expression, but she set her jaw firmly. Calmly, she left the room.

Leaving his patient, who was fine, to a nurse, Jackson approached her.

"Hey…what's going on?" he asked her carefully.

She looked up at him slowly. "That was my dad."

"Your…your dad is dead?" He was confused.

"Yes. Blood alcohol level of point one. Got into a crash. He was DOA." Her face showed very little emotion.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. He deserved it." She looked away.

"You know, a pretty smart doctor told me today that no-one deserves to die. Then she went and convinced an alcoholic that there was a cure, and that he could turn his life around."

He saw tears in her eyes for the first time. "Oh god. Lexie." She covered her face with her hand.

"Yeah. Wait…this isn't _her _dad is it?"

The look on Meredith's face told him the truth. "That explains…so much. But, why are you not crying, and, denying that he died, and, making a big deal?"

"He's Lexie's dad. My biological father, but Lexie's dad. Oh, God! How do I tell her?"

"I think I'll go get Christina or Dr. Shepherd. They may be more useful in this situation." He steered her to a seat, then walked to the desk to page Dr.'s Yang and Shepherd. On the way, he noticed the woman he was examining before. Dr. Webber was talking to her, and she was screaming. Screaming for her dead family.

"What's happened?" asked Derek, looking around for Meredith.

"This better be good,"mumbled Christina. Jackson glanced sharply at her.

"She's in there." He pointed to the room where Thatcher Grey's body was being put in a body bag. Derek walked over, with Christina and Jackson following. Seeing the body, he walked up and put his hand on Meredith's shoulder. "What happened?" he asked calmly.

Dr. Hunt, who was still in the room, answered. "He was in an accident. Blood alcohol level of point one. The other driver died as well."

"Has anyone paged Lexie?"

"I can't tell her," said Meredith. "I…I don't want to deal with that now."

"I'll page her," stated Derek.

Christina went to Meredith. "I'm so sorry, Mer."

"You know I don't really mind, Christina."

"He's still your dad."

"He's Lexie's dad."

Just then Lexie came rushing through the door, her face eager. "What's happened?" She glanced at the bed where Thatcher lay in a body bag, then at Christina with her arm around Meredith. Slowly, realization dawned on her face, and she turned to look at the bed again. "Who's in that body bag?" she asked slowly.

Dr. Hunt came up behind her, and put his hand on her shoulder tentatively. "Dr. Grey. Your father came in this morning."

Lexie gasped, rushing to the bed.

Dr. Hunt continued. "He was in a car accident. I'm so sorry."

"No, no….that's not right." She started unzipping the body bag. "You're wrong!" Her fingers fumbled, and she couldn't unzip it. Jackson saw that she needed to see him for herself, so he slowly unzipped the bag for her. "I'm so sorry, Lexie."

She saw the face. "No! Dad! No!" she sobbed, slumping over the bed. "Oh God!"

The other surgeons watched on in silence as Lexie grieved for her father. When she had calmed down slightly, she stood up, wiping her eyes. "It was an accident, right? Was the other driver drunk?"

Dr. Hunt answered her. "Dr. Grey…he…he had a blood alcohol level of point one. The other driver and a baby is dead."

Lexie froze. Wiping her eyes quickly, she ran from the room.

The doctors looked around at one another. "Leave her for a minute," said Derek.

"Is there anyone else we should notify?" Dr. Hunt asked Meredith.

"Um…I think Lexie has a sister. Molly."

"Molly Grey?"

"No, she's…she's married. Molly Thomson, I think."

"I'll get a nurse to contact her."

"Thank you."

After Owen left, Derek spoke. "Okay, everybody. We can't stay here all day. Meredith, take the day off. Christina, can you go and find Lexie? She needs someone at the moment. When you find her take her to our house. Dr. Avery, you can talk to the police with Dr. Hunt. I'll go tell Dr. Webber what's happened. He and Thatcher were friends."

"I'll find Lexie," said Meredith. "Christina, go and scrub in with Teddy. I'm fine."

"Thanks. And…tell Lexie…I'm sorry."

Meredith smiled sadly, and walked out of the room, glancing once more at the body of her father, before turning away.

After talking to the police, Jackson was heading up to the cafeteria when he ran into Meredith.

"Have you seen Lexie?" She asked him. When he shook his head, she continued, "I've looked in locker rooms, bathrooms, the cafeteria, waiting areas….I don't know where she could be."

"I'm sorry, Mere…" Jackson said, before stopping. "Wait. I think I know where she is. I'll be back." He ran off.

"What…Jackson! Ugh."

Jackson approached Mr. Holtz's room, and was not surprised to see Lexie sitting in the visitor's chair. Mr. Holtz was asleep. Jackson slowly walked inside, and just stood watching her for a minute. Still staring at Mr. Holtz, she said quietly, "I lied to him."

"You didn't know."

She turned to face him. "I told him there was hope. That I had seen first hand that there is a cure for what he has. I lied."

"You were right. There is a cure. Your dad was recovering, he just made a mistake. Everyone does."

Lexie jumped up from her seat. "Stop. Stop trying to make him seem innocent! He's not!" Mr. Holtz stirred in his sleep. "Come on," said Jackson. "There's an on-call room down the hall. You need to talk to someone." When Lexie made no movement, he gently steered her out of the room and into the on-call room, shutting the door behind them.

"Your father made a mistake, just like everyone does. You won't be a monster if you forgive him."

"He killed a man, Jackson! And a baby! A poor, innocent, baby! I saw the woman, on my way out. The man's wife, the baby's mother. She was screaming! Screaming for her _innocent_ family, and I was there screaming for the man who killed them!" She was breathing heavily.

"He's your dad, Lexie. You're allowed to cry. He was there all through your childhood, he took care of you. He loved you. You're allowed to cry." He reached out, brushing her hair from her face.

She looked at him for a moment. "I just…I can't…I can't do this right now," she said quietly. "I have to go." With that she rushed from the room, leaving Jackson standing there, contemplating.


End file.
